reject me

The One After A Long Hiatus (and plenty of Days)

In mid-November of last year, I set out to chronicle my trek through Rejection Therapy. I made it most of the way (all right, about two thirds) and two things happened:

I ran out of things I really wanted. It's hard to do Rejection Therapy properly - where each rejection stings and, ideally, teaches me something. When I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel of things to be rejected for and I have a vague feeling of "I'm just doing this to check an item off my list. Sorry for being annoying," the experiment quickly begins to feel silly and not useful to anyone.
Frankly, I ran out of time. I mentioned early on that I was beginning a new venture / phase of my life in conjunction with Rejection Therapy, and unfortunately that phase involved a lot of sitting at home and coding. I really had to begin seeking out rejection opportunities (see Day 5), and it became much less of a priority as what I was working on took up more time.

On the upside, in the last four months I've experienced a ton of rejection both personally and professionally:

I started a company - people told us that there was no need for the service, that they didn't find it compelling, and couldn't we possibly come up with something better?

We changed ideas in reaction to the response we saw to our prototype - people were skeptical and became more easily dismissive of us.

I've tried raising money - my cofounder has done the majority of the fundraising, but while tapping my personal/professional networks, I heard enough versions of "thanks, but no thanks" of varying lengths and politeness to cover plenty of missing Days of rejection.

I've put myself out there personally and had plenty of rejections-by-silence - second date, anyone? ;) (kidding)

This has been a blast, and a fun experiment. Hope you enjoyed following along, and I'd highly recommend trying Rejection Therapy for yourself - it's worthwhile reminding yourself of how willing people are to help you out if you only ask.

Thanks for reading! You can follow me on Twitter or keep up with my personal blog.

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The One Where No Rides Are Offered - Days 21 & 22

Yesterday was full of rejection attempts, but not of rejections.

I had to run an errand at a mall in the East Bay, and willfully didn't look up public transit directions from the BART station to the mall. As I got off the train, I stopped people and asked if they were heading in my direction, and (then) if they could give me a ride.

I asked the first woman if she was heading in my direction, and if she could tell me how to get there - she brushed me off with a quick apology, and I was on my own.

In my second attempt, I tried to ask a girl if I could get a ride west, and explained (quickly) that I just needed to get to the mall. She, too, kept walking and apologized - she was getting a ride from her dad.

I eventually got directions (we were all, apparently, walking toward the right bus stop), and got to the mall.

Later in the evening, I needed to charge my laptop to do some work, and didn't have the patience to track down a proper coffee shop. The first relatively empty store I saw was a Hugo Boss. I walked up to the cash register and asked the employee if she'd let me charge my laptop somewhere in the store. After some initial confusion and funny looks, I was directed to some power outlets by the side of the store. All in all, they let me sit by the side of the store on my laptop for about half an hour - and they only came by twice to check on me and let me know that there was a Borders upstairs!

Finally, I was headed to a holiday dinner with my team at Orson. Word of this therapy got out, and one of the SO's wanted me to ask for a tour of the kitchen on her behalf. When we ran into the chef on our way out, not only was she willing to pose for a photo, she gave us a tour of both the kitchen and the upstairs pastry kitchen. Very cool... but didn't help me catch up on my rejections. Alas.

days in debt: 3 (numbers 9, 15, and 18)

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The One Where Christine Has Nowhere To Stay - Day 20

I'll be in a different town for New Year's Eve, and the difference in airline fares between Sunday 1/02 flights and Monday 1/03 flights is upwards of $70. I emailed a friend and asked if there was a way I could crash with her that night to avoid flying home on Sunday (or finding some cheap hotel). Today I got back an apologetic no.

On my way home, I decided to try for an extra rejection and resolved to approach the first woman I saw with - I had a bad day, could she give me a hug?

Turns out:

there aren't many women hanging out on the street in Lower Haight at 10 on a Monday night (there were some indoors, but I didn't feel like being that creepy)
approaching someone sheepishly allows for a much warmer welcome of odd behavior than not.
nice people exist out there (I found one) who will give you a hug and ask you about your day if you say you had an awful one.

So no additional rejection, but at least I'm not increasing in debt! It's becoming harder and harder to find opportunities for rejection (or think of things I really want). Suggestions welcome!

days in debt: 3 (numbers 9, 15, and 18)

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The One With Inflexible Gatekeepers - Days 17, 19

alternate title: The One Where Christine Continues to Fall Behind

Friday night, we asked for a bouncer to waive cover to a bar for the group of us. He refused, with a "we don't need the extra business tonight."

Saturday I lost another day (I'm going to have to make these up soon, this day debt is unsustainable). And finally:

Today's rejection was at the San Francisco Botanical Garden, which I visited with a friend. They offer free admission for all San Francisco residents "with proof of residency," which neither of us had. I showed them my California ID (with an outdated address) and promised that I lived in the city - when the ticket lady asked for my zip code, I dutifully obliged and she let me in with a warning. We tried to pull the same trick again for my friend, who provided a zip code but no California ID, but the worker got visibly uncomfortable and refused.

So now hopefully, after a jerkily updated weekend, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

days in debt: 3 (numbers 9, 15, and 18)

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The One With An Unfortunate Decision Involving A Beer - Day 16

Lessons learned from last night (you, lovely reader, can fill in the blanks in the narrative):

- bars do not appreciate patrons carrying in six-packs of beer, even if they were left over from a birthday BYO event nearby and you swear you're not going to drink them in the bar. Even if you as a group are responsible for an extra 20 people spending money in the venue.

- a local pizza place will, however, agree to store said six-packs for you until close - especially if you promise to bring your 20 friends by to buy pizza while picking up the beers.

days in debt: 2

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The One With A Very Busy Person - Day 14

I've been doing a good amount of market research these last few days with local businesses - essentially making lots of in-person cold calls.

I've been brushed off plenty ("sorry, we're really busy right now, could you come back tomorrow afternoon?") and sidestepped ("sorry, I'm not the manager. His card? ... sure."), but today was my first time with someone who seemed genuinely bothered by my questions.

I walked into her store and introduced myself, and after she seemed to display some interest in the topic, I began asking her some questions. She began talking about how she disapproved of services that were "intrusive"; when I asked her to explain, she shot back with, "Well, if you have to ask, then your service must be intrusive already."

After some clarification and her giving me some pointers to check out some user privacy / legal organizations in the area, I thanked her for her time and asked if we could follow up with her (she'd handed me her card at some point in the lecture) if we had further questions.

She looked at me and bestowed upon me a definitive "I'd really rather you not." Useful. Hopefully the rest of my week will be a bit smoother - and I won't regret telling a market-research-rejection story this early.

days in debt from Thanksgiving: 1

Posted from San Francisco, CA

The One With A Chemical Spill - Days 12 & 13

I stepped out of the office for an hour for dinner and came back to a ring of fire trucks and security guards preventing anyone from entering my building.

After sneaking through an adjacent building to get a little closer, I heard the first few of many speculative comments about what had happened. Some reported that the fire fighters were trying to track down a chemical spill; others guessed there was an issue in "one if the old labs" (our building's former tenant was a pharmaceutical company); still others hypothesized that something had gone wrong with the cafe they were building in the ground floor. Either way, no one was being allowed in.

We milled around for awhile, trying to remember what we'd left inside (laptop, keys, bag). I wanted to get home - with my laptop and keys - so first I tried to get in the building by going underground, through the parking garage. No dice. Not only was the basement elevator guarded by a security guard, the gate leading down to the garage was locked.

Next we tried sweet-talking our way in the first floor. We were promptly informed that no, we couldn't go in, AND if we snuck in and passed out, no one was coming after us. (Joke. Kind of.) Rejection #1.

While we continued to wait, someone was complaining that the only thing stopping him from going home on his bike was his helmet, stuck inside. After a bit of thinking on my part, I offered him my bicycle helmet, if he promised to return it the next day. He chuckled and thanked me for the offer, saying, "I would, but I think I'd get arrested." He then pointed at his "bike" - a fancy-looking BMW motorcycle. Oops. Rejection #2.

days in debt from Thanksgiving: 1

Posted from San Francisco, CA

The One With A Chinese Restaurant - Day 11

I had lunch with an old friend, back in town from NYC for Thanksgiving. She went to RISD and is currently a graphic designer - great, I thought, she's super busy right now. I'll ask her for free graphic design / identity design (uncomfortable, given the starving artist stereotype) and get my rejection done with early.

Turns out, she's contracting with a relatively low-key firm, and needs side projects to beef up her portfolio... and apparently old friendships merit some solid pro bono work ;) Awesome.

In the evening I went to a restaurant and asked if they could heat up soy milk instead of serving it cold (at a friend's request). After some explanation in broken Chinese and funny looks, we got a no. A bit of a weak rejection, but one nonetheless. Done.

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The One With A Reset - Day 10

We pitched an idea we've been thinking about for awhile to someone influential today, and were told to change ideas / find a way to not work on the "canonical failed startup idea."

We'll see. Chin up, eyes forward.

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The One With Thanksgiving Plans - Day 8

(Looks like I'm skipping Day 9 because it's Thanksgiving Day - I'll make up for it when I return to the real world)

A friend was planning on spending Thanksgiving with just her dad, as the rest of her family was out of town for the holiday. I asked my family if we could have them over to our house for dinner, and received a lot of handwaving, tentative calls to other relatives, discussion, and long-winded explanations involving too many Chinese grandparents.

Which, in the end, boiled down to a no.

(Full disclosure: I asked a week or so ago, and the handwaving occurred in the time since. I'm counting that rejection as today's because I can't think of other things to ask my family.)

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